Doug's been gone all week. I didn't make it super obvious in my posts, but yes, through the drama of Tav's cold, his fall and Koen's rough behavior Douglas has been in Texas and I've been here sorting it all out. I was going to write a quick little post, something like an ode to me, about making it through this week on my own, but I just can't. It's not true. I wasn't alone. I didn't do this week on my own. God provided so much help in so many ways. And this week was full of some rough turns, but also some surprising victories too.
1. The first night my friend Megan stayed here with me due to my fear of being here alone ever since the break-in last Fall, but on Tuesday night she had to work late and I decided I'd give staying here on my own a shot. I slept so hard that night, harder than I've slept in weeks. God just let me sleep through the fear, overcoming it and such a great feeling to wake up safe and sound on Wednesday morning.
2. Wednesday was Tavin's big fall, but again the Lord provided comfort in my friend Megan. She came over right away to check him out (she's an ER doctor at Children's Hospital).
3. Doug was super proactive even though he was in Texas when Koen caused his brother's big fall. He totally handled the consequence delivery which went over well with Koen, a huge relief. Koen has been without Teddy ever since and he's dealt with it very well.
4. Wednesday afternoon my friend Veronica was scheduled to visit in the afternoon. I thought about cancelling due to the stress of the midday Tavin fall, but I kept the appointment. It turned out to be a huge blessing and Veronica has been lifting my prayer requests to get through this week diligently and checking in on me daily via phone. Yesterday when she called I felt like I was coming down with the cold that the boys have been passing around and she prayed over me on the phone and I haven't had a symptom since. It's been such a blessing to not get sick while Doug was away.
5. My mom has been a huge comfort this week. After the first night of staying on my own, I realized it would be helpful to chat on the phone as I closed up the house rather than just be freaking myself out with "what's that noise" and "who could be lurking around that dark hallway." My mom is one of my best friends and she has listened to me chat a lot this week to get me through the late hour before bed. Thanks, Mom!
MOST IMPORTANTLY...even though tough, trying weeks like this are no where near easy, they are so revealing of the caring, gracious, strengthening God I serve. Several times this week (like this afternoon), I felt like I had nothing left to give, particularly to Koen, and I asked God for extra measures of grace, patience and strength and God delivered every time. This evening was a great example. I was so snappy and hardened before Koen's rest time today. Then I had just a few short minutes of quiet time with the Lord this afternoon and prayed for Him to sustain me and improve my attitude and bolster my strength. As soon as Koen came down from his rest, I was like a different mommy. We ended up having a really nice evening together due to the fact that I could be engaged, enjoy working with him, playing with him and having patience with the sillyness, questions and frustrations. So humbling. How many times do I forget to lean on the Lord and then try to get through the hours on my own strength? How much better would every day be if I remembered that He has all the strength I need to appreciate Koen despite the discipline issues, have patience with Tav's "why" questions and not get frustrated when Penn bursts out of his swaddler and ruins his nap?
Thanks for those that prayed for us this week. We've made it. Doug will be arriving shortly and I can't wait for a much-needed family day tomorrow. (I sort of feel like leaving Doug with all 3 and going to a spa, but that's hardly possible and I miss him, so I think I'll stick around).
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