So, I feel guilty. Very few photos over the last few days. Not for a lack of activity. Yesterday I had a parent-teacher conference with Koen's nursery school teacher. I took Tav with me and then we ran some errands. Koen and Doug hung out and then they went out to lunch when Tav and I arrived home. Tavin and I killed the time with our own shared lunch at home and then a walk with the wagon. When Doug got home, I put the boys to bed for nap and Doug headed out to work for a few hours. After naptime, our dear friends, Uncle Nate, Aunt Megan and their son, Alex, visited for play and dinner before the boys' bedtime. There were plenty of cute photo opportunities with all the little guys, I just had totally lost motivation at that point in the day. It's odd. Yesterday wasn't even a particularly rough day with Koen since we divided and conquered much of the time. But perhaps just the culmination of his behavior, our discipline tactics and my constant feeling of failure was just too much for me to bear. I was callous, boring and frustrated with Koen last evening and I felt awful about it after he went to bed. Sorry, Nate and Megan. Not my finest night. I had just had it, but that doesn't give me an excuse to give up. Doug was also strained from all the efforts with Koen that evening and could tell I was stressed about it too, so we had a chat about it. One with tears and frustration, more than most our conversations. I guess I hadn't realized how pent up all these emotions were underneath my frustrations with Koen. Well, thankfully, we had a positive end to the conversation, teaming together to dissect some particular instances and talk generally about what we can change or refresh to try and make a difference going forward. Here are a few takeaways (this is more for me to not forget and for accountability than for you, but keep reading as you like)...
1. Re-instate positive reinforcement tactics with rewards that come to fruition so he realizes the good result of positive behavior (i.e. consistent job charts, using the money earned to buy something small and give to others, increase attention and frequency to the kindness quilt, etc.).
2. Really put forth effort to do something age-appropriate specifically for each one of them each day (in the past I have felt discouraged about this because I'm not sure what to do with the other one while I'm engaged in a project for just one of them, but I will have to forego that worry and just figure it out, as I think one-on-one projects/activities will make a big difference for Koen especially).
3. Continue with extremely consistent delivery of discipline for infractions. Ugh. Not a fun one, but necessary.
4. Re-read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" now that we are in the midst of new behavior issues that are consistent and that we need to do battle with somehow.
5. Continue our focus on teaching Koen to LISTEN. Getting his attention, quietly delivering instructions clearly and eye-to-eye, demanding attention so that it is clear that he has received the message and has every opportunity to obey (this is rather than shouting over the din when we need something to be done).
I think those were all the major ones (you were spared the tears and sniffles). Parenting (at this age especially) is so much harder than I ever thought. I love it, but it is not easy! Keep praying for us as we try to equip both the boys, but Koen especially right now, for a life in and not of this world. Thank you, friends!
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